This came from one of those horrid chain FB tag notes. So I did it to make others suffer and this is my response.
Let me know what you think......lol
1. If I could grow up to be anything, I would want to be a Viking from centuries past.
2. I have written two books that were published but both under different pen names.
3. I have been to 17 different countries but none in Europe.
4. I purposefully ate a worm burger but only twice.
5. I have more hair today then when I was 20. It is not that I have a lot now but I was almost bald then. I do not know why it grew back.
6. I have personally seen 4 different people murdered in 2 different countries.
7. I can not only touch my nose with my tongue but I can cram it up a nostril. This came in handy when I was eight and I thought girls had cooties.
8. My favorite job I have ever had has been being a Dad.
9. I own 25 pairs of shoes, I think having a daughter who likes to shop is the reason.
10. I have started 5 companies in my life and have sold 4 of them.
11. I have no artistic ability but that does not stop me from trying to create.
12. I am a member of the NRA but have never owned a gun.
13. I am a member of the NAACP but I am not a black man.
14. I am a very good cook and enjoy cooking as well.
15. For the size of my body I have big feet.
16. My biggest "fame" in life came when I worked in radio and was syndicated on 6 stations... all of them catering to black people and none of the listeners knowing I was white.
17. Eggplant is one of my favorite foods.
18. My favorite color is black but I tell people green because black is so teenagerish.
19. I never understood the whole concept of people having a favorite number, when asked mine I usually tell them 14,973.
20. I have only one major goal in life.
21. I am an eternal romantic.
22. My favorite music of all times is the old crooners but once again that is a bit geeky.
23. The last 6 weeks of my life have been both the hardest and at the same time the most amazingly awesome I have ever lived.
24. I had the privilege of being able to slam the phone down on a phone call from Gov. Henry.
25. I AM!
Sunday, January 31, 2010
By the Numbers
I know that this little blog is nothing but a voyeuristic look into my boring life but it is my life and my life is important to me. I started this blog 3 weeks ago and started keeping track of visits exactly one week ago so here are the facts for the last week.
270 unique individual visitors
1072 page visits
210 times my profile has been looked at
35 public followers
8 private followers (why in secret I am not sure)
I am not sure why people are so bored as to read the ramblings of a dad who is trying to make it in this world but I do appreciate it.
A few more notes.
I set up the comments where people can comment anonymously
You can also reach me via Facebook or email me at michael@eternitymediapublications.com
Yes, later today I will make a "real" post to the blog
Once again, thank you for letting me have a great real first week with this non-political and non-business blog. Please keep reading and let me know what you think!
270 unique individual visitors
1072 page visits
210 times my profile has been looked at
35 public followers
8 private followers (why in secret I am not sure)
I am not sure why people are so bored as to read the ramblings of a dad who is trying to make it in this world but I do appreciate it.
A few more notes.
I set up the comments where people can comment anonymously
You can also reach me via Facebook or email me at michael@eternitymediapublications.com
Yes, later today I will make a "real" post to the blog
Once again, thank you for letting me have a great real first week with this non-political and non-business blog. Please keep reading and let me know what you think!
Saturday, January 30, 2010
How Not to eat a Dog
I have a great friend who owned a nice restaurant in Oklahoma who is from Singapore. He returned to Singapore last summer and called to invite me out to visit him in a couple of months. I have always liked the guy and we have one of those honest relationships where you can ask anything. He has asked me in the past if white people really did have a secret hand shake that only we knew that kept people of other colors out of our circles.
Last night I asked him if he had ever eaten any dog. He laughed and explained that Singapore was more western then eastern but he did not answer my question. I asked him again if he had ever eaten any dog and he once again laughed and this time told me his dog eating story.
He explained that he and a couple of friends went to Vietnam to visit and decided that they would try a local place to eat because... well, they were curious about dog meat. They bravely ordered up the main dish and immediately decided that while they waited for the food it was probably a very good time to get really drunk. They drank until numb and were just about to complain about the delay in food when the dog was set on the table. My friend looked at his buddies and they decided they needed at least one more drink before testing the delicacy of dog. After several more drinks my buddy bravely decided to cut a leg off and start to eat it. He grabbed a large knife (he said almost a machete) and grabbed a hind leg to start hacking at.
When he grabbed the leg and lifted the critter up a bit to hack at it and he said that several roaches came running out from underneath the center dishes (they were there when they arrived at the table). He jumped back in a startled manner and decided that while he was willing to try dog meat he was not willing to try dog meat that had been ran over with roaches.
The odd thing about my friend is he suggests that when I come visit that we hop down to Vietnam to try dog meat......... I wonder if it will taste like chicken?
Last night I asked him if he had ever eaten any dog. He laughed and explained that Singapore was more western then eastern but he did not answer my question. I asked him again if he had ever eaten any dog and he once again laughed and this time told me his dog eating story.
He explained that he and a couple of friends went to Vietnam to visit and decided that they would try a local place to eat because... well, they were curious about dog meat. They bravely ordered up the main dish and immediately decided that while they waited for the food it was probably a very good time to get really drunk. They drank until numb and were just about to complain about the delay in food when the dog was set on the table. My friend looked at his buddies and they decided they needed at least one more drink before testing the delicacy of dog. After several more drinks my buddy bravely decided to cut a leg off and start to eat it. He grabbed a large knife (he said almost a machete) and grabbed a hind leg to start hacking at.
When he grabbed the leg and lifted the critter up a bit to hack at it and he said that several roaches came running out from underneath the center dishes (they were there when they arrived at the table). He jumped back in a startled manner and decided that while he was willing to try dog meat he was not willing to try dog meat that had been ran over with roaches.
The odd thing about my friend is he suggests that when I come visit that we hop down to Vietnam to try dog meat......... I wonder if it will taste like chicken?
Friday, January 29, 2010
I Fought Global Warming and WON!!!
I headed off to the trails and after going in about 3 miles I realized that either Global Warming had bit my face or I was learning what it felt like to be cryogenically frozen before you were dead. This made me realize that Al Gore and the billions of dollars he spent spreading the word about Global Warming went to good use. Here I was, just one man and he said to walk when you can and I followed his orders like a sheep to slaughter.
Then this amazing thing happened, I did not feel hot, I did not see parched ground, I actually felt cool... no cold. My eyebrows where matted in ice, my hair frozen in a bizarre doo and there were icicles hanging from my nose. I, one man, on a walk to contemplate the great things around him, without even knowing it stopped Global Warming.
I am not expecting any super duper international prize or even being able to make a billion dollars from this but I would appreciate Al thanking me in public for doing something he has not been able to do in over a decade.
I would also like to point out that I need new friends that either do not hate me or are at least smart enough not to suggest I walk for several hours in a winter storm..... it was cold out there.
I will upload a ton more pix to FB when I return to that forum, till then if you want to communicate with me please email me at michael@eternitymediapublications.com
Just Ran Over by the Four Horsemen
Today I need clarity, I need that still small voice. There are several major decisions that have to be made over the next couple of days and I do not need any distractions. I am your average guy, loud, obnoxious and loves his daughter with all his heart (you can fill in sons or pets or even cars if need be for some men.) but today I need to listen.
There are tons of people who sit still their whole life waiting for that inner peace, the voice of God, the meaning of life to come forward and moments before they die they realize it will never come to those who ONLY wait. This is not what I am doing, I am working, playing and enjoying Alexis but hoping that I understand what needs to be done before the Four Horse Men of the Apocalypse run me over.
I love the adrenaline rush of a deadline approaching, sometimes I win and sometimes I fail but there are times when you cannot afford to fail. I am at that crossroads now. I will not be on any of the social networks or other blogs except this one. This is the one that is my personal life story and believe it or not it helps to have complete strangers read this silly stuff and probably even laugh at my bizarre attempt at life......:)
No dates, no friends hanging out just listening for the still small voice but also listening for the 4 horsemen because I am not to excited about getting ran over by those guys again..
There are tons of people who sit still their whole life waiting for that inner peace, the voice of God, the meaning of life to come forward and moments before they die they realize it will never come to those who ONLY wait. This is not what I am doing, I am working, playing and enjoying Alexis but hoping that I understand what needs to be done before the Four Horse Men of the Apocalypse run me over.
I love the adrenaline rush of a deadline approaching, sometimes I win and sometimes I fail but there are times when you cannot afford to fail. I am at that crossroads now. I will not be on any of the social networks or other blogs except this one. This is the one that is my personal life story and believe it or not it helps to have complete strangers read this silly stuff and probably even laugh at my bizarre attempt at life......:)
No dates, no friends hanging out just listening for the still small voice but also listening for the 4 horsemen because I am not to excited about getting ran over by those guys again..
Thursday, January 28, 2010
The Perfect Day?
Sorry, this is sappy but I do use this blog to just show what is happening, what I am thinking or even dare I say what I am feeling. If you do not like hearing what a red blooded, red meat eating and red state voting guy is feeling then you probably should switch stations for a couple of minutes.
I had the perfect day, everything was perfect yet I am not "happy" with it. Under no circumstances am I sad or depressed but I just am not wanting to high 5 anyone with my great day. It does bother me that what I had worked so hard for actually came easier then what I had imagined but why I had my goals I think is the problem.
I am VERY excited about my future, tomorrow alone should be an unbelievable day but I am just not driven to the point that I should be. Earlier in the week I made a dorky little video and that actually brought more pleasure to me because it expressed something deep inside of me. I won big several times this week but it really did not do a thing for me. It was like I won American Idol and realized as I entered the stage that the second place winner usually sales more music.
Ok....just a little fluffy, touchy, feely blog tonight and a little inner reflection.... I hope you all have a great weekend coming up .
I had the perfect day, everything was perfect yet I am not "happy" with it. Under no circumstances am I sad or depressed but I just am not wanting to high 5 anyone with my great day. It does bother me that what I had worked so hard for actually came easier then what I had imagined but why I had my goals I think is the problem.
I am VERY excited about my future, tomorrow alone should be an unbelievable day but I am just not driven to the point that I should be. Earlier in the week I made a dorky little video and that actually brought more pleasure to me because it expressed something deep inside of me. I won big several times this week but it really did not do a thing for me. It was like I won American Idol and realized as I entered the stage that the second place winner usually sales more music.
Ok....just a little fluffy, touchy, feely blog tonight and a little inner reflection.... I hope you all have a great weekend coming up .
Nuclear Reation In My Kitchen
I hit the kitchen to see what I could eat, I went with oranges but some grapes caught my attention. This brought back a memory from a facebook friend who told me to cut one in half and microwave it. I did this and a small plasma ball formed. This actually is pretty cool but being a guy I thought that if a grape creating a plasma ball was cool then 46 grapes would even be better.
I grabbed a knife and go to cutting the grapes. While standing in the kitchen cutting grapes I realized that if I took a bit of foil and wrinkled it up then laid it out flat in the microwave to set the grapes on it might that might become even better. So... I proceeded this experiment for scientific reasons I am sure (at least that was my plan if the fire department had to show up) and carefully laid everything out in the oven.
I turned of the lights to get a better view... flipped the switch....and presto it worked. Plasma, sparks and a few seconds later a small fire all ensued. To say the least kids, do not try this at home without adult supervision and if you are lucky enough to find an adult that will help you with the project then you probably need to find a smarter adult.
I do expect any moment for the presidents of Iran, Cuba and Venezuela to call and offer me millions for my nuclear secrets.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
A Time to Celebrate?
Today has been a spectacular success, the work of the last 6 weeks has finally paid off big time but I am in a strange situation. I have much to celebrate but not for the reason I had wanted originally. This got me thinking about why I do things and what drives me.
I still have this singular goal in life, nothing will stop me from achieving it but it has taken a turn from the road expected with no foreseeable way back to the straight and narrow way. This might all sound strange but the truth is I can live with it and celebrate in my own way. I have had a great success today that I would not have had if I also had not had a great failure.
Nobody can really understand the mixed feelings that I have but yet we all have had the same kind of events in our lives. We fail in a wonderful and Earth shattering way only to find that we did gain from it things that we never would have had, things we never even dreamed could exist. I gained the greatest gift a man could claim and yet at the same time had the greatest loss a man can have.
It was all worth it, today is just the beginning of many great wins spiritually, mentally and financially. I just wish that I could share it.............
Okay, this is a sappy blog post and I will try not to do another one like this for a while.....:)
When your world comes crashing down remember that from the ashes of the past a great future can be built.
I still have this singular goal in life, nothing will stop me from achieving it but it has taken a turn from the road expected with no foreseeable way back to the straight and narrow way. This might all sound strange but the truth is I can live with it and celebrate in my own way. I have had a great success today that I would not have had if I also had not had a great failure.
Nobody can really understand the mixed feelings that I have but yet we all have had the same kind of events in our lives. We fail in a wonderful and Earth shattering way only to find that we did gain from it things that we never would have had, things we never even dreamed could exist. I gained the greatest gift a man could claim and yet at the same time had the greatest loss a man can have.
It was all worth it, today is just the beginning of many great wins spiritually, mentally and financially. I just wish that I could share it.............
Okay, this is a sappy blog post and I will try not to do another one like this for a while.....:)
When your world comes crashing down remember that from the ashes of the past a great future can be built.
Ava Aston...........!!!
Very late last night I was emailing back and forth with friends, family and people I like to harass, Ava was kind enough to fall into the friends column. If you are a bit slow on the uptake of who Ava Aston is she is just like Brittney Spears ..... well if Brittney had talent, was good looking, was intelligent, was still relevant in American culture and could actually sing. Ok, Ava is nothing like Ms Spears but that is a good thing and I mean a VERY good thing.
The one thing I honestly enjoy about Ava is the fact that she is in touch with the heart beat of the new American revolution, I know, no politics or business but this has nothing to do with politics and well for business it does not help me one iota. I do enjoy being on the cutting edge ( or at least aware of it) of music and what is right around the corner. People who have followed any of my blogs, sites or facebook know I am pretty accurate in this area.
The longer I talked with Ava the more aware I became that she is a real person has real feelings and even has a sister who turns out not to be a complete freak (yes, this is one more swipe at Ms. Spears). This is the type of entertainer that almost all Americans can stand up and enjoy in public and be proud of her work. I am honestly hoping that if you already know about this soon to be star that you tell your friends and if you do not know about Ava then PLEASE check out the video and links at the end of this montage of lame quips you are reading on your screen.
The earlier my blog is written in the day the bigger the event was to me. Ava is such an important person to me and the rest of American culture that I could have written this at 3am but then people would have just assumed I was just some kind of freak..... I do like trying to make people figure out how big of a freak I am till much later in the day.
Lets make this viral
Youtube
Support her by paying for a tune.....
Itunes
And of course her website
This was not meant to be a commercial it was just a Dad telling people about an amazing person and hoping that at least a few people will get as excited as I am about her. One day soon, a year or less you can be watching CNN (that is if it is still around) and watch Ava being interviewed and you can tell people you knew about her before anyone else.... well accept me....:)
Let me know what you think
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Sandra Bullock
I had the honor to speak to some 4th - 5th graders today, nothing fancy just the regular stuff. Before I speak to any group young or old, few or many I always psych myself up a bit. I had been doing the old trick of invisioning myself as being as good looking, popular with the ladies and rich as Brad Pitt but this morning I saw a picture of him and that pretty much blew that idea. Maybe if Brad took a bath, was nice to people and did not look like he was Elton John type gay it would still work.
This really was not that big of a deal so I walk in and did my stuff. Towards the end of my time I asked if there were any questions and sure enough a guy raised his hand and said "why did you not use a teleprompter" now, I personally thought that was funny but all of the children just stared at me. Then one child said because he does not have to show people he can read because he can think as well and the whole room broke up in laughter. It was right at that second that I was glad that I was in a strong Republican school district.
When we left the school I was talking to a friend of mine who told me that since the Brad thing was out that I should envision the room filled with the hottest movie starlet around. This of course would not work because I could not even speak a word if I were in the room with one person who looked like Sandra Bullock let alone a whole room. I guess this little problem of mine needs to be thought about before I speak again.
(full disclosure, I had a friend email me today about a girl that I always thought looked better then Sandra and he mentioned that she made a comment about looking a bit like her....smart girl)
Monday, January 25, 2010
To Dream of Beauty
Please understand I was asked to do this at 3:30 in the morning and I was just bright enough to agree. I am not an artist, I am not a photographer and I am not a musician so please do not hound me about it. I spent over 2 hours for under 2 minutes..... how smart is that?
To Dream of Beauty
Beauty is NOT in the eye of the beholder
Beauty is in the soul of the one beholden
The greatest desire in a mans heart is to find such beauty.
This beauty is created from the building blocks of
Truth,
Honesty,
and true devotion that is mutually shared
To love another greater then yourself,
to willingly sacrifice
to dance in the dark
to hold hands
to breath in the smell of the skin
to stand with the one you love when all others will not
Love is knowing that you have two bodies but one soul.
Beauty is NOT in the eye of the beholder
Beauty is in the soul of the one beholden
Squirrel Sausage
I got a phone call this morning from a friend around 5 am, that is not a problem because I was up. He excitedly told me to get to his house because he had made a fresh batch of squirrel sausage. Now, I am a normal human and eating a tree rodent was not on the top of my list of things to do in life. I really do like the guy so even though I had great misgivings I told him no problem. I am not sure if it is an Okie thing, a rural thing or if my friends are just strange.
I arrived at his house and there were several other guys already there watching Alan cook over the stove. It is always strange to see a group of men excitedly watching another guy cook in the kitchen... over a grill outside is another story.
We all grabbed plates (yes, real men do use plates) and heaped large portions of scrambled eggs and sausage on them and headed off to the living room to eat (this is the room guys eat in when there are no women around).
Alan said a prayer before we dug in and mentioned while praying that the meat would be good and not harmful. When he said that I had to look up to see if he was joking but he continued to pray. As I stared at him wondering what he knew about it that I did not I realized every other guy in the room was doing the exact same thing as I.
After the prayer we all started digging in to the eggs being careful not to eat the meat. I finally asked Alan what did he mean about the meat being harmful and he explained that there might be some shot left in the meat and he did not want someone to break a tooth or accidentally swallow any. I figured that one of my greatest desires in life was to keep all ammo on the outside of my body not ever letting it penetrate my skin or even accidentally swallowing any but decided that I would carefully give it a try.
I took my first bite and WOW the stuff was great! I ate several large portions and even took some home for later, I will see if I can get Alexis to eat any. This turned out to be something that was never on my list of things to try in life but I am glad I did it anyways. I suppose the moral of the story is "you should never hate something till you tried and have a good reason to hate it".....or maybe it is that I will eat anything at least once.
I arrived at his house and there were several other guys already there watching Alan cook over the stove. It is always strange to see a group of men excitedly watching another guy cook in the kitchen... over a grill outside is another story.
We all grabbed plates (yes, real men do use plates) and heaped large portions of scrambled eggs and sausage on them and headed off to the living room to eat (this is the room guys eat in when there are no women around).
Alan said a prayer before we dug in and mentioned while praying that the meat would be good and not harmful. When he said that I had to look up to see if he was joking but he continued to pray. As I stared at him wondering what he knew about it that I did not I realized every other guy in the room was doing the exact same thing as I.
After the prayer we all started digging in to the eggs being careful not to eat the meat. I finally asked Alan what did he mean about the meat being harmful and he explained that there might be some shot left in the meat and he did not want someone to break a tooth or accidentally swallow any. I figured that one of my greatest desires in life was to keep all ammo on the outside of my body not ever letting it penetrate my skin or even accidentally swallowing any but decided that I would carefully give it a try.
I took my first bite and WOW the stuff was great! I ate several large portions and even took some home for later, I will see if I can get Alexis to eat any. This turned out to be something that was never on my list of things to try in life but I am glad I did it anyways. I suppose the moral of the story is "you should never hate something till you tried and have a good reason to hate it".....or maybe it is that I will eat anything at least once.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
I Am A Failure And Glad Of It
This introspective, melancholy and soul searching weekend I have realized that I have failed at more things and more often then the average guy. You probably would assume that I would be upset to realize that I am one failure after another but the fact is that I think it is what set me apart from the flock of other people.
I was speaking today to some teenagers and asked a simple question, if you and 1000 other kids were to stand on a football field and you had to describe yourself so someone could find you then could you do it. I then told them not to use clothes, hair, color but to describe who they were..what they were on the inside. They all looked dumbfounded at me and one after the other said "I think deeper, I know the real world, I am a good friend...etc" the same things that all of the other kids said. This meant to me that they claimed to be individualist but actually were just one of a thousand sheep.
A young man raised his hand and asked me if I could do it and it stuck me, I have been more places, seen more things, met more people and enjoyed more things then most but that does not say who I am. I realized that I have done these things just because I am not fearful of failing.
When I fail I fail big I shake the foundations of the earth with my failings. The aftershocks of my failures can last a life time but I will stand up, brush the dust from my clothes and try something new. I maybe sitting in the governors office, sitting on an alter in Peru where human sacrifices occurred, sitting on my face after a nasty fall while sand surfing but I made it there not because of my successes but because of my failures.
I love my failures because I have learned or at least experienced things that I would not have been able to do in the first place. I am one big failure and proud of it. I do not exist in nor will I ever live in an ordinary world of my own creation.
...hopefully I will be back to my normal mood tomorrow.
I was speaking today to some teenagers and asked a simple question, if you and 1000 other kids were to stand on a football field and you had to describe yourself so someone could find you then could you do it. I then told them not to use clothes, hair, color but to describe who they were..what they were on the inside. They all looked dumbfounded at me and one after the other said "I think deeper, I know the real world, I am a good friend...etc" the same things that all of the other kids said. This meant to me that they claimed to be individualist but actually were just one of a thousand sheep.
A young man raised his hand and asked me if I could do it and it stuck me, I have been more places, seen more things, met more people and enjoyed more things then most but that does not say who I am. I realized that I have done these things just because I am not fearful of failing.
When I fail I fail big I shake the foundations of the earth with my failings. The aftershocks of my failures can last a life time but I will stand up, brush the dust from my clothes and try something new. I maybe sitting in the governors office, sitting on an alter in Peru where human sacrifices occurred, sitting on my face after a nasty fall while sand surfing but I made it there not because of my successes but because of my failures.
I love my failures because I have learned or at least experienced things that I would not have been able to do in the first place. I am one big failure and proud of it. I do not exist in nor will I ever live in an ordinary world of my own creation.
...hopefully I will be back to my normal mood tomorrow.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
My Hearts Desire
I am having a strange Saturday, Alexis is not around and I decided to contemplate life goals and what it will take to obtain them. Goals are good and needed to have a successful life but I received an email from a friend that asked me directly what my hearts desire was. I was ready to shoot off the standard, happiness, peace and good health when I realized that is not actually what a persons heart of desire is. It is more then that, it is what will fulfill your life, what will give it meaning, what is it that God can give you now that will make your life special.
I desire God and understand that my soul yearns for a close relationship with the creator and this is the driving force behind living but this is something I am 100% in control of. God does not run away but reaches out to us so once again not really the definition of hearts desire. Psalms 37: 4-5 tells me directly what has to be done to obtain this goal "Delight thyself also in the LORD: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass."
Then the question comes what is the desire of my heart. I know that it is not wealth, fame, own a large business, be politically connected, good looks, women, great car or even a huge home. Looking into myself I realize the great desire of my heart is truth, honesty and a person who is always there even when they do not feel like it.
This requires so much from myself to obtain that it would be easier to become President I believe. If I want truth then I have to be truthful, if I want honesty then I have to be honest and if I want consistency then I have to be consistent....these are all very hard to do 100% of the time, I believe we all try not to lie but to be honest is very different.
So.... this is what is going through my head right now. A bit deep for me but this blog is about what happens to me on a daily bases.
I desire God and understand that my soul yearns for a close relationship with the creator and this is the driving force behind living but this is something I am 100% in control of. God does not run away but reaches out to us so once again not really the definition of hearts desire. Psalms 37: 4-5 tells me directly what has to be done to obtain this goal "Delight thyself also in the LORD: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass."
Then the question comes what is the desire of my heart. I know that it is not wealth, fame, own a large business, be politically connected, good looks, women, great car or even a huge home. Looking into myself I realize the great desire of my heart is truth, honesty and a person who is always there even when they do not feel like it.
This requires so much from myself to obtain that it would be easier to become President I believe. If I want truth then I have to be truthful, if I want honesty then I have to be honest and if I want consistency then I have to be consistent....these are all very hard to do 100% of the time, I believe we all try not to lie but to be honest is very different.
So.... this is what is going through my head right now. A bit deep for me but this blog is about what happens to me on a daily bases.
Friday, January 22, 2010
¡basta ya!
I do love differing ethnic foods, people, music and culture, Okay, maybe not the British food thing but besides that I will try about anything. I shop at several stores a week for my groceries that include Asian, Hispanic, Persian, Greek and of course hippie grocery stores. This morning was the Hispanic Grocery stores turn to be blessed with my presence.
This was nothing new to me, I have been many times. You walk into the door and mariachi music is blaring and people are going about their business. The store is an old converted Homeland/Safeway so it is a "normal" sized store. I dutifully pushed my cart around the store getting the items that I needed. Fresh fruit, vegetables and a few meats, this was just one of the chores we all do everyday of our lives. The interesting thing to me was when I arrived at the counter to be check out.
The employees have always been very nice and considerate. I have never felt any unease or strangeness even when I am the only gringo to be seen in the entire place (yes I know gringo is a derogatory term but it is so to only a few people). The cashier speedily scanned my stuff and had me ready to swipe my card in no time at all. The problem was the card swipe machine did not work right. She tried to convey to me what to do but my Spanish is limited to what I learned in High School and what I learned from a girl I used to date, no phrases that I learned were being used by this young lady.
I asked her in English if she could tell me what I needed to do and she just smiled, turned red in the face and shrugged her shoulders. She then held up a finger and ran off to the office. She came back with the store manager and they were both talking rapidly to each other. They stood in front of my talking, pointing at me and making all kinds of signs, I do believe that the Spanish language must consist of 30 percent hand signals.
After 4-5 minutes of these two in front of me and a growing line of impatient people behind of me the manager turn and looked me right in the eye and said with no accent "I do not speak English". Now, I am not sure if I wanted to laugh or rip him up, all of this talking to announce that he did not speak English. At that moment a very attractive Hispanic woman pushed her way past me and glared at the two and started doing the ripping for me. Every time they tried to respond she coldly told them "¡basta ya!".
This young woman from Columbia (how I found that out is another story that you probably will never hear)started telling me, the line behind me, the two in front of me, that "you came to the US to become Americans yet you do not even learn the language of America" she then ranted on in Spanish while everyone looked horrified at this amazingly strong and beautiful woman.
She then wanted to know what the problem was and the manager mumbled something and she looked at me and said that it was their fault and I could just take my groceries and leave. Now, I do not have to be pressured to take free food so I looked at the manager and he nodded at me and waived me on.
I really do love the different cultures available in the US but could not have agreed more with her. The ethnic background does not make a person an American but the language and broader culture are what ties us together. You do not need to know the language when you arrive but you do need to learn it before you become a manager at a large grocery store.
So now I have a new friend that is a fiery Latino that enjoys her roots but loves being an American even more.
This was nothing new to me, I have been many times. You walk into the door and mariachi music is blaring and people are going about their business. The store is an old converted Homeland/Safeway so it is a "normal" sized store. I dutifully pushed my cart around the store getting the items that I needed. Fresh fruit, vegetables and a few meats, this was just one of the chores we all do everyday of our lives. The interesting thing to me was when I arrived at the counter to be check out.
The employees have always been very nice and considerate. I have never felt any unease or strangeness even when I am the only gringo to be seen in the entire place (yes I know gringo is a derogatory term but it is so to only a few people). The cashier speedily scanned my stuff and had me ready to swipe my card in no time at all. The problem was the card swipe machine did not work right. She tried to convey to me what to do but my Spanish is limited to what I learned in High School and what I learned from a girl I used to date, no phrases that I learned were being used by this young lady.
I asked her in English if she could tell me what I needed to do and she just smiled, turned red in the face and shrugged her shoulders. She then held up a finger and ran off to the office. She came back with the store manager and they were both talking rapidly to each other. They stood in front of my talking, pointing at me and making all kinds of signs, I do believe that the Spanish language must consist of 30 percent hand signals.
After 4-5 minutes of these two in front of me and a growing line of impatient people behind of me the manager turn and looked me right in the eye and said with no accent "I do not speak English". Now, I am not sure if I wanted to laugh or rip him up, all of this talking to announce that he did not speak English. At that moment a very attractive Hispanic woman pushed her way past me and glared at the two and started doing the ripping for me. Every time they tried to respond she coldly told them "¡basta ya!".
This young woman from Columbia (how I found that out is another story that you probably will never hear)started telling me, the line behind me, the two in front of me, that "you came to the US to become Americans yet you do not even learn the language of America" she then ranted on in Spanish while everyone looked horrified at this amazingly strong and beautiful woman.
She then wanted to know what the problem was and the manager mumbled something and she looked at me and said that it was their fault and I could just take my groceries and leave. Now, I do not have to be pressured to take free food so I looked at the manager and he nodded at me and waived me on.
I really do love the different cultures available in the US but could not have agreed more with her. The ethnic background does not make a person an American but the language and broader culture are what ties us together. You do not need to know the language when you arrive but you do need to learn it before you become a manager at a large grocery store.
So now I have a new friend that is a fiery Latino that enjoys her roots but loves being an American even more.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
My Day at the Mosque
I really do get to do things that most people would either never imagine or just plainly wished they got to do. Today I had the opportunity to visit a local Mosque to set up an interview for radio broadcast at a later time. This is not the first time I have been to a Mosque but it did hold a few things that even surprised myself.
Walking into the front door of the newly remodeled building it had the feel of a modern church with literature racks and a "foyer". Nobody was present to speak to and the Imam's office was locked. A young man came walking around the corner and looked a bit startled to see me. I introduced myself and explained why I was there and asked when the Imam was going to be available. He explained that the Imam was running late and asked me to sit on a bench in the front room.
I removed my shoes, which is the custom, and sat waiting. To describe the area they had "showers" in a room right before you entered where people were coming in and washing their feet, hands and head before going in to pray. It was not only people from the middle east but Asians, blacks and a couple of white people as well. I spoke with several people who entered the mosque and found most to be delighted to talk with me.
While waiting this elderly man came in the front door and looked at me angered manner. I being a bit arrogant stood up and walked over to talk with this man. It took him by surprise and he acted like a cat stuck in a tree. I started talking to him, forcing him to reply all the while thinking that if there was a bomber in the building then it had to be this guy.
He finally broke down and we had a nice chat. He told me that I was the first non-muslim that he had talked to in 22 years besides the clerk at the grocery store. He said he was amazed that I did not hate him and was pleased that a "white American" was willing to be nice just because it was the right thing to do. He went on explaining that he had returned from a funeral at the Muslim Cemetery (I did not know that OKC had one)and he was sad.
When the Imam came in he was astonished as well that the man and I were talking, he told me that the man had come to the US to visit his son and while here his son had died in a car wreck. He said that for 22 years this man has blamed the white Christian man for his sons death and the Imam had been watching him closely to make sure he did not go over the edge of sanity.
I did the preinterview and set up the studio time with the Imam but I will always think of the sad man in a foreign country that would not speak to white people because of the death of his son.
I did not fear for my life or safty even once and did find it satisfying that even the local Imam understood that a man could go over the edge and do bad things. I was glad to know that in the house of "the enemy" that the majority of people there saw themselves as Americans and loved the country but was also aware that the sad man was probably not the only person who attended that mosque that one day could snap.
Walking into the front door of the newly remodeled building it had the feel of a modern church with literature racks and a "foyer". Nobody was present to speak to and the Imam's office was locked. A young man came walking around the corner and looked a bit startled to see me. I introduced myself and explained why I was there and asked when the Imam was going to be available. He explained that the Imam was running late and asked me to sit on a bench in the front room.
I removed my shoes, which is the custom, and sat waiting. To describe the area they had "showers" in a room right before you entered where people were coming in and washing their feet, hands and head before going in to pray. It was not only people from the middle east but Asians, blacks and a couple of white people as well. I spoke with several people who entered the mosque and found most to be delighted to talk with me.
While waiting this elderly man came in the front door and looked at me angered manner. I being a bit arrogant stood up and walked over to talk with this man. It took him by surprise and he acted like a cat stuck in a tree. I started talking to him, forcing him to reply all the while thinking that if there was a bomber in the building then it had to be this guy.
He finally broke down and we had a nice chat. He told me that I was the first non-muslim that he had talked to in 22 years besides the clerk at the grocery store. He said he was amazed that I did not hate him and was pleased that a "white American" was willing to be nice just because it was the right thing to do. He went on explaining that he had returned from a funeral at the Muslim Cemetery (I did not know that OKC had one)and he was sad.
When the Imam came in he was astonished as well that the man and I were talking, he told me that the man had come to the US to visit his son and while here his son had died in a car wreck. He said that for 22 years this man has blamed the white Christian man for his sons death and the Imam had been watching him closely to make sure he did not go over the edge of sanity.
I did the preinterview and set up the studio time with the Imam but I will always think of the sad man in a foreign country that would not speak to white people because of the death of his son.
I did not fear for my life or safty even once and did find it satisfying that even the local Imam understood that a man could go over the edge and do bad things. I was glad to know that in the house of "the enemy" that the majority of people there saw themselves as Americans and loved the country but was also aware that the sad man was probably not the only person who attended that mosque that one day could snap.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
The Hardest Question
Sitting next to a person in a plane means one of two things, either you ignore one another or you chat about things neither of you care about. I had a little different experience today then what is normal or expected. I was tired, worn out and brain dead and hoped this would be one of the people that you were ignored by.
Things were silent and I leaned my head back and tried to sleep as we sat on the runway waiting for take off. The man was silent looking straight ahead like he was watching a movie, never taking his eyes off the imaginary screen. About 10 minutes after take off he turned to me and said "What is your one goal in life?". This startled me and I opened my eyes and asked him what do you mean. He again said "What is your one goal in life?" not adding a word to the time he had previously asked.
I actually have only one major goal in life. It will happen on Wednesday, August 3, 2050 on a beach and will probably last just a few minutes but it will fulfill my one greatest desire on this Earth. I tried to give a brief explanation of my goal and explained that I understood that most people would never understand it but that was the most important thing for me to accomplish with my life.
The man sat in silence and just stared at me, never blinking and never moving. He continued to stare at me even after I had finished talking. I started thinking this guy was either nuts or he thought I was nuts but whatever it was I was uncomfortable. He finally blinked and asked me again "What is your one goal in life?". Now this time I assumed the guy was either hard of hearing or he was an AmWay sales man looking for a new sales person.
I told him "Sir, I answered your question". He stared deep into my soul and said "You have already failed with your original goal, either change your ways or change your goal". This made me angry because I had not even told him my specific goal. How could this man even know that I had failed at something so far off in the future if he did not even know what I was trying to do.
He sat there staring at me again, this time it seemed like an eternity. He looked at me and said "You will fail to obtain what you most desire so either change your ways to reach what you want most or set a new goal". He then sat back, closed his eyes and never uttered another word.
Now I am sitting here trying to figure out what he meant, did he see something in me that not even I see in myself? I am utterly amazed that he was right in some ways but still a bit confused at what he meant exactly. I guess over the next couple of days I will do a bit of soul searching to decide if I need to change my ways or to set a new goal.
Nothing really funny in this post but it was a moment in time I will never forget.
Things were silent and I leaned my head back and tried to sleep as we sat on the runway waiting for take off. The man was silent looking straight ahead like he was watching a movie, never taking his eyes off the imaginary screen. About 10 minutes after take off he turned to me and said "What is your one goal in life?". This startled me and I opened my eyes and asked him what do you mean. He again said "What is your one goal in life?" not adding a word to the time he had previously asked.
I actually have only one major goal in life. It will happen on Wednesday, August 3, 2050 on a beach and will probably last just a few minutes but it will fulfill my one greatest desire on this Earth. I tried to give a brief explanation of my goal and explained that I understood that most people would never understand it but that was the most important thing for me to accomplish with my life.
The man sat in silence and just stared at me, never blinking and never moving. He continued to stare at me even after I had finished talking. I started thinking this guy was either nuts or he thought I was nuts but whatever it was I was uncomfortable. He finally blinked and asked me again "What is your one goal in life?". Now this time I assumed the guy was either hard of hearing or he was an AmWay sales man looking for a new sales person.
I told him "Sir, I answered your question". He stared deep into my soul and said "You have already failed with your original goal, either change your ways or change your goal". This made me angry because I had not even told him my specific goal. How could this man even know that I had failed at something so far off in the future if he did not even know what I was trying to do.
He sat there staring at me again, this time it seemed like an eternity. He looked at me and said "You will fail to obtain what you most desire so either change your ways to reach what you want most or set a new goal". He then sat back, closed his eyes and never uttered another word.
Now I am sitting here trying to figure out what he meant, did he see something in me that not even I see in myself? I am utterly amazed that he was right in some ways but still a bit confused at what he meant exactly. I guess over the next couple of days I will do a bit of soul searching to decide if I need to change my ways or to set a new goal.
Nothing really funny in this post but it was a moment in time I will never forget.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
How to Eat Sand
There is a strange sport in this neck of the woods (that is an Okie term I think) that an older man said he was going to teach me how to do several months back. I became impatient with waiting so I decided to hire a guy and go for it. The sport is called sand surfing and consists of standing on a modified snow board and sliding down a sand dune.
This all may sound a bit pedestrian but the fact is it is fun, at least it looked fun for people who actually were able to do it. I have tried with different levels of success all types of surfing and assumed I would have no trouble with this measly sport. My instructor kept telling me that most people lean back and cause themselves to fall so the whole time he yelled lean forward.
It did not take much time to figure that either the man was nuts and liked to see me burn my face with a sand blast or I was not normal because I never fell backwards but did learn what it felt like to be an ostrich with its head buried in the sand.
I realized I was getting a bit sick, stopped up nose, itchy eyes, ears felt clogged and a funny taste in my mouth when I decided to call it a day after a couple of hours. I am still not sure if it is the flu or if I have sand stuck in every hole in my head. I said good bye to Sand Master Park and headed back to a friends house to see if they would make sure I was still alive.
If I ever see the older gentleman again I think I will have a new respect for him. Not once have I ever heard that he goes around town spitting sand out.
This all may sound a bit pedestrian but the fact is it is fun, at least it looked fun for people who actually were able to do it. I have tried with different levels of success all types of surfing and assumed I would have no trouble with this measly sport. My instructor kept telling me that most people lean back and cause themselves to fall so the whole time he yelled lean forward.
It did not take much time to figure that either the man was nuts and liked to see me burn my face with a sand blast or I was not normal because I never fell backwards but did learn what it felt like to be an ostrich with its head buried in the sand.
I realized I was getting a bit sick, stopped up nose, itchy eyes, ears felt clogged and a funny taste in my mouth when I decided to call it a day after a couple of hours. I am still not sure if it is the flu or if I have sand stuck in every hole in my head. I said good bye to Sand Master Park and headed back to a friends house to see if they would make sure I was still alive.
If I ever see the older gentleman again I think I will have a new respect for him. Not once have I ever heard that he goes around town spitting sand out.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Yes Sir, I Am Still A Black Man
Today I saw that an old friend had called me, I have known him for many years but he is actually old. The guy was probably on the ark with Noah and is probably to blame for not tossing the skunk and the rat over board when Noah was not looking.
This man is a retired black preacher that adopted me as one of his grand kids. The interesting thing to me about our relationship is he believes in the "black gospel", a belief that black people are God's chosen people and whites are the cursed people of the Bible. This has never gotten in the way of our friendship because he thinks even a cursed white man can be saved and be a full brother in Christ.
I then called my dear friend to see what he wanted to talk about. He started off by telling me that he knew I have had a real rough 6 weeks or so but he had noticed that I was back to normal. This of course was a bit offensive because I would hate to be totally normal. He laughed and said no, normal for you.
We chatted about life and the mysteries of the world when he asked me a very strange question. He lowered his voice to almost a whisper and said "Micheal, son, are you still a black man?". Now this might seem like a strange thing to hear but this is the same guy who just a couple of weeks ago went on a long walk with me and after his fifth cigarette told me that walking was much better exercise then jogging because you cannot smoke while jogging.
I really did not know how to respond and my brain was slowly ticking down to exploding when he continued. He told me that I was his favorite grandson even though he only adopted me as his and that people needed to know that I was his kin. I really did not know what to say, I love Dean, Sinatra, my favorite ice cream is vanilla and I have blue eyes and I am of Swedish heritage.
The preacher continued by saying that blacks throughout history have been beaten, sold into slavery, denied jobs, could not even go to some businesses because of the color of their skin but they also created some of the most beautiful music, art and inventions that all people of every color could enjoy. He then explained that while there are people who hate me some for jealousy, some because of boredom that I should continue to be a black man and do what I knew in my heart was true and right.
He then asked me again if I was still a black man and I responded "Yes Sir, I am still a black man". There is much wisdom I have learned from this man and most of the time it takes me a long time to figure out exactly what I was supposed to learn but on this MLK day I can proudly proclaim that I am still a black man.... at least to my dear friend.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Crunchy Coffee
I love coffee, the aroma, the acrid taste of a dark roasted cup of java morning, noon or night it is just a great thing to behold. Today I had an experience that reminded me how wonderful a specific form of this liquid delight could be. I highly suggest you do what ever you can to enjoy this drink of the gods.
I had a fantastic lunch of wonders of the middle east and headed over to a friends house to just chat before I leave the state for a few days. We talked about this and that, just catching up on gossip about ourselves (I seem to have more gossip about me then most people) and she offered to make me some Turkish coffee. I have had it in the past but it has been WAY to long so I jumped at the chance.
Let me explain a little about Turkish coffee, it is made by taking extremely fine ground coffee and dumping it into a pan of boiling water. You boil the stuff till it becomes a thick liquid that does not really slosh around. You then pour the cups and have to wait a few minutes to let the grounds settle to the bottom of your cup and then .... presto it is time to drink up. The little 2-3 oz cup would be equal to about 6 espresso shots so you do sip it and enjoy it slowly.
We continued our chat about all the horrible things I have done, am doing or I am going to do ( I really wish I was able to do all of those things but the image of myself that other people have of me will live the life I wish I actually lived). We drank 3 cups a piece and we both started getting a bit pumped by the coffee, I then realized we had consumed the totality of the coffee and thought that it was probably not smart to make a new batch because I do like my heart pumping inside of my chest and not bouncing off the walls instead.
This left me to do what any red blooded American would do. I poured the sludge from the pan and tried to drink the tar looking goo. This did incite a fit of choking and gagging till I learned that you could take a spoon and eat the stuff like oatmeal, it was a bit crunchy but I do believe that coffee should be crunchy now. This is life, great company and coffee goo to consume, chew and enjoy.
Maybe if I were not single I would have been smart enough not have done this but at this point of my life I am now a Turkish coffee goo fanatic. I think I might go to sleep sometime in February but till then I will savor my day.
I had a fantastic lunch of wonders of the middle east and headed over to a friends house to just chat before I leave the state for a few days. We talked about this and that, just catching up on gossip about ourselves (I seem to have more gossip about me then most people) and she offered to make me some Turkish coffee. I have had it in the past but it has been WAY to long so I jumped at the chance.
Let me explain a little about Turkish coffee, it is made by taking extremely fine ground coffee and dumping it into a pan of boiling water. You boil the stuff till it becomes a thick liquid that does not really slosh around. You then pour the cups and have to wait a few minutes to let the grounds settle to the bottom of your cup and then .... presto it is time to drink up. The little 2-3 oz cup would be equal to about 6 espresso shots so you do sip it and enjoy it slowly.
We continued our chat about all the horrible things I have done, am doing or I am going to do ( I really wish I was able to do all of those things but the image of myself that other people have of me will live the life I wish I actually lived). We drank 3 cups a piece and we both started getting a bit pumped by the coffee, I then realized we had consumed the totality of the coffee and thought that it was probably not smart to make a new batch because I do like my heart pumping inside of my chest and not bouncing off the walls instead.
This left me to do what any red blooded American would do. I poured the sludge from the pan and tried to drink the tar looking goo. This did incite a fit of choking and gagging till I learned that you could take a spoon and eat the stuff like oatmeal, it was a bit crunchy but I do believe that coffee should be crunchy now. This is life, great company and coffee goo to consume, chew and enjoy.
Maybe if I were not single I would have been smart enough not have done this but at this point of my life I am now a Turkish coffee goo fanatic. I think I might go to sleep sometime in February but till then I will savor my day.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
I Never Want an Ordinary World
Today was a let down, I had nothing explode in the kitchen, I did not talk to any of my friends that said something so odd that my brain exploded nor did I get to go on the treasure hunt with Alexis because of the rain. This leaves me to ponder the deep recesses of my brain to see if my life is going the way I want it to.
The answer is obviously to me, my life is fantastic and I enjoy every second of it even with out exploding food or exploding brains. I am getting ready for another short trip and am going alone but I really am my best company. My biggest problem with being alone is I keep interrupting myself and that really does get annoying.
This is just one of those days where I actually am a bit melancholy, not for myself but because there are people who I deeply care about that are having a very rough time and are making impossible decisions. I find it odd that I feel not just sympathy but actually feel the pain with them. I guess that is what happens when you move past just a kind hello to a true personal relationship with people.
I think my life would be more a "ordinary world" if I just did like most people and follow the required hello, I will pray for you and saying that is okay you will get better. I NEVER want to be ordinary, I want a life that has the highest highs but that requires the lowest lows and that is fine with me. When I am 84 and I am standing on that beach I want to look back and KNOW I did not let a second pass, a chance go untried and a life lived for that one moment in time. Then I will be happy to leave this earth.
Sorry for the lack of exploding pizza today........
The answer is obviously to me, my life is fantastic and I enjoy every second of it even with out exploding food or exploding brains. I am getting ready for another short trip and am going alone but I really am my best company. My biggest problem with being alone is I keep interrupting myself and that really does get annoying.
This is just one of those days where I actually am a bit melancholy, not for myself but because there are people who I deeply care about that are having a very rough time and are making impossible decisions. I find it odd that I feel not just sympathy but actually feel the pain with them. I guess that is what happens when you move past just a kind hello to a true personal relationship with people.
I think my life would be more a "ordinary world" if I just did like most people and follow the required hello, I will pray for you and saying that is okay you will get better. I NEVER want to be ordinary, I want a life that has the highest highs but that requires the lowest lows and that is fine with me. When I am 84 and I am standing on that beach I want to look back and KNOW I did not let a second pass, a chance go untried and a life lived for that one moment in time. Then I will be happy to leave this earth.
Sorry for the lack of exploding pizza today........
Friday, January 15, 2010
Darla and Goliath
I went to my daughters gymnastic meet today and saw an epic battle between good and evil. Any man that has a daughter, sister, wife, girlfriend or even a mother would have stood up and cheered. The story started off simply enough with a young teenage boy who was excited to have been missing school, excited with all of the young ladies around but not to happy that the girls were more interested in their competition then his studly self.
He started lifting things around him for no obvious reason except to show his manliness. When the young ladies did not seem to care he started to flex his muscles and proclaiming loudly that he lifts weights and stars on the football team. Once again the intended girls just ignored this young man, they had more important things to worry about and it was not some boy.
This show of testosterone went on for the entire meet to no avail. The poor lad was getting no attention so he became louder and more excited. Towards the end of the meet when this 6 foot kid could not win the eye of any girl he started to yell bizarre things such as "I could have beaten you at your silly game" and then he would flex his arms again but the girls did not care.
I thought about taken the kid to the side and telling him to shut up or a real man would find his mommy and demand something was done. As I was beginning to stand up a young gymnast half his size walked passed him and he slapped at her hair. The girl turned around and said "that was not nice and you better not do it again" of course being a male he could not let a girl tell him what to do so he slapped her hair again.
I stood up and was hurrying toward the poor waif who was over sized and over powered when she walked up to him and jabbed the kid in the chest and said "STOP" which of course he did not. He looked around and felt he had to protect his man image and slapped her arm away. This was what I loved the most about my day, she looked startled, reared back and punched the boy in the stomach. He reeled with pain, dropped to his knees and started crying.
I learned a lesson from this a woman can beat a man with just ignoring him, with her words and if all else fails a woman (at least a gymnast) can beat the snot out of you.
The boy survived and the adults cheered.
He started lifting things around him for no obvious reason except to show his manliness. When the young ladies did not seem to care he started to flex his muscles and proclaiming loudly that he lifts weights and stars on the football team. Once again the intended girls just ignored this young man, they had more important things to worry about and it was not some boy.
This show of testosterone went on for the entire meet to no avail. The poor lad was getting no attention so he became louder and more excited. Towards the end of the meet when this 6 foot kid could not win the eye of any girl he started to yell bizarre things such as "I could have beaten you at your silly game" and then he would flex his arms again but the girls did not care.
I thought about taken the kid to the side and telling him to shut up or a real man would find his mommy and demand something was done. As I was beginning to stand up a young gymnast half his size walked passed him and he slapped at her hair. The girl turned around and said "that was not nice and you better not do it again" of course being a male he could not let a girl tell him what to do so he slapped her hair again.
I stood up and was hurrying toward the poor waif who was over sized and over powered when she walked up to him and jabbed the kid in the chest and said "STOP" which of course he did not. He looked around and felt he had to protect his man image and slapped her arm away. This was what I loved the most about my day, she looked startled, reared back and punched the boy in the stomach. He reeled with pain, dropped to his knees and started crying.
I learned a lesson from this a woman can beat a man with just ignoring him, with her words and if all else fails a woman (at least a gymnast) can beat the snot out of you.
The boy survived and the adults cheered.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
A Jew, a Muslim and a Christian walk into a bar.
A Jew, a Muslim and a Christian walk into a bar. Okay, it was not a bar but that sounds so much better as a standard set up for a joke. I went to breakfast with three friends, each one had a different personal faith, while this is not the first time we all have gone out together it was the first time that I ever really thought that we were such an odd mixture of people to most of the rest of the world.
Since we are all guys we talked about guy stuff such as American football, kids, women, weekend stuff and of course current affairs. I do understand that this blog is a no politics area so I am stepping lightly. We ended up talking about terrorist who seem to be willing to die for either their God or for pure hatred, we all understood that today most terrorist activity is accomplished by Muslims but it was my Jewish friend who pointed out that the last couple of decades are filled with groups that were not Muslim who went around blowing people up.
The conversation twisted and turned till we arrived at the wonderful man who stuffed explosives in his underwear believing that when he blew off his manhood God would reward him with 72 Virgins which Amir at that time pointed out that if that was true then the stupid guy would end up living with 72 women who would be virgins for eternity meaning they would not be happy.
We all agreed that American football is great, kids are great, women are confusing and current affairs are ridicules. We decided that the next time we would add a Hindu and a Buddhist to the mixture and when I asked about an atheist the other 3 said a resounding no. Atheist seem to be the only religious group that is completely intolerant of any other belief....... not sure that is true but with this bunch I am not the leader but just one of the herd.
Since we are all guys we talked about guy stuff such as American football, kids, women, weekend stuff and of course current affairs. I do understand that this blog is a no politics area so I am stepping lightly. We ended up talking about terrorist who seem to be willing to die for either their God or for pure hatred, we all understood that today most terrorist activity is accomplished by Muslims but it was my Jewish friend who pointed out that the last couple of decades are filled with groups that were not Muslim who went around blowing people up.
The conversation twisted and turned till we arrived at the wonderful man who stuffed explosives in his underwear believing that when he blew off his manhood God would reward him with 72 Virgins which Amir at that time pointed out that if that was true then the stupid guy would end up living with 72 women who would be virgins for eternity meaning they would not be happy.
We all agreed that American football is great, kids are great, women are confusing and current affairs are ridicules. We decided that the next time we would add a Hindu and a Buddhist to the mixture and when I asked about an atheist the other 3 said a resounding no. Atheist seem to be the only religious group that is completely intolerant of any other belief....... not sure that is true but with this bunch I am not the leader but just one of the herd.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
I used to be smarter then a 5th grader
My daughter is in the 5th grade and helping her with her homework I realized I used to be smarter then a 5th grader but somewhere and somehow that all fell away into oblivion. I know that I once was smarter then a 5th grader because my school passed me up to 6th grade but of course that might have been because they really hated me and just wanted rid of me.
The big bang of realization occurred when I sat down to go over my daughters math homework, I do want to point out I am great at math, I even tested out of Calculus one and two in college. Looking over the problems she had solved I noticed one that was wrong and I gave her the correct answer and told her I wanted her to work the problem out to get the right answer. She went back to her desk, sat down and squirmed for 10 minutes and returned to me and asked if I could help her by showing her how to solve the problem.
Being the super smart dad that I am, I told her lets sit down and go over it together. It was at this moment that my brain literally started to ooze out of my ears, I had no idea why the answer was what it was just knew it was the answer. I fumbled through the book making the age old excuse that I wanted to make sure we did it like her teacher wanted her to do it. I quickly started scanning through the book hoping beyond all hope that the answer would jump out and I would once again be seen as the all knowing father.
Alexis, with her noble Persian eyes looked at me and did not even ask but stated "Dad, you really do not know what we are supposed to do but that is OK". I told her that I was sure her teacher would help her if she asked before class started. I then packed an apple, a flower and a sealed note for her to give to her teacher throwing myself at the mercy of a woman who is obviously smarter then a 5th grader and hoped that I would not be called into a parent teacher conference to talk about my inability to do simple math.
I will let you know if that dreaded meeting is called for in the future.........
The big bang of realization occurred when I sat down to go over my daughters math homework, I do want to point out I am great at math, I even tested out of Calculus one and two in college. Looking over the problems she had solved I noticed one that was wrong and I gave her the correct answer and told her I wanted her to work the problem out to get the right answer. She went back to her desk, sat down and squirmed for 10 minutes and returned to me and asked if I could help her by showing her how to solve the problem.
Being the super smart dad that I am, I told her lets sit down and go over it together. It was at this moment that my brain literally started to ooze out of my ears, I had no idea why the answer was what it was just knew it was the answer. I fumbled through the book making the age old excuse that I wanted to make sure we did it like her teacher wanted her to do it. I quickly started scanning through the book hoping beyond all hope that the answer would jump out and I would once again be seen as the all knowing father.
Alexis, with her noble Persian eyes looked at me and did not even ask but stated "Dad, you really do not know what we are supposed to do but that is OK". I told her that I was sure her teacher would help her if she asked before class started. I then packed an apple, a flower and a sealed note for her to give to her teacher throwing myself at the mercy of a woman who is obviously smarter then a 5th grader and hoped that I would not be called into a parent teacher conference to talk about my inability to do simple math.
I will let you know if that dreaded meeting is called for in the future.........
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
The Manly art of Needlepoint
My daughter decided she would create a pillow doing all of the design and artwork herself. This became a small problem to me in trying to help and aid my young one in the skills that are required to do that type of work. I am never one to back down from a challenge so I took all of my manly pride and stuffed it someplace deep where I would never find it again and decided I would go look for help.
To my utter surprise there are actual stores that sell mainly needlepoint products and the ladies there are very helpful. I tried to explain that I knew nothing but my honey eyed daughter can get me to do anything when she smiles and gives me a hug. The ladies laughed and said it is rare for a dad to come for help but it is not unheard of.
They walked me through the steps and products that are needed and did NOT try to over sell me. I tried to find the proper "apron" but never could find one that quite suited me so I went with a plain green one... kind of manly I suppose.
Once at home I tried my skills out before I would help my daughter later when I realized that Needlepoint is not done by very many men because it is HARD. Forget the whole concept of needlepoint being for sissy's, needlepoint is only for the toughest of the tough. Have you ever wondered why so many tough little grandmothers do needlepoint. Its because their husbands are either dead or scared to come around when she pulls out her thread and needles.
The truth seems to be that needlepoint is only for the hardest of men or for sweet and kindly women who look nice and kind but can hunt down a bear, kill it, gut it and cook it over a fire with only the aid of a needle and a bit of colorful thread.
To my utter surprise there are actual stores that sell mainly needlepoint products and the ladies there are very helpful. I tried to explain that I knew nothing but my honey eyed daughter can get me to do anything when she smiles and gives me a hug. The ladies laughed and said it is rare for a dad to come for help but it is not unheard of.
They walked me through the steps and products that are needed and did NOT try to over sell me. I tried to find the proper "apron" but never could find one that quite suited me so I went with a plain green one... kind of manly I suppose.
Once at home I tried my skills out before I would help my daughter later when I realized that Needlepoint is not done by very many men because it is HARD. Forget the whole concept of needlepoint being for sissy's, needlepoint is only for the toughest of the tough. Have you ever wondered why so many tough little grandmothers do needlepoint. Its because their husbands are either dead or scared to come around when she pulls out her thread and needles.
The truth seems to be that needlepoint is only for the hardest of men or for sweet and kindly women who look nice and kind but can hunt down a bear, kill it, gut it and cook it over a fire with only the aid of a needle and a bit of colorful thread.
Monday, January 11, 2010
Surfing in Ice
It is never a good idea to have friends who not only will do something stupid with you but will actually encourage you to go farther then what you had originally planned. This wonderful apex of everything wrong seems to be the case of what occurred today. Friends who are more daring and/or not quite as smart as ones you should have.
In my infinite wisdom I decided to go windsurfing in the middle of winter. I would like to point out that I do have a wetsuit but it does not have feet in it. I really should have known that there would be a bit of uncomfortable feelings ahead when we had to walk on ice to get to open water. This was the moment that I pointed out this was probably not a good idea but having such wonderful friends they decided it was good and we should all go at once.
To say the very least, 187 pounds along with a board meant that I stepped on the ice and my feet broke through. I am a macho guy so I kept going till the water was too deep. I laid the board on the thin ice and pushed on forward while the other guys chickened out and went back to shore. Through all the pain and torment to get to the open water I kept telling myself I wanted to win over the elements.
I paddled out into the open water, my hands and feet were burning feeling like a million needles shooting through them. I stood on the board and flipped the sail around towards the wind ready to glide across the water becoming master of nature itself and then.... nothing happened. Some how at that moment the wind died, who ever heard of no wind in Oklahoma. I waited out in the water for what seemed like half an hour but actually was very close to six minutes when I decided it was time to come back in.
I never did go an inch by wind power but how many people do you know that would break through ice to go windsurfing for no other reason then the thrill of it?
In my infinite wisdom I decided to go windsurfing in the middle of winter. I would like to point out that I do have a wetsuit but it does not have feet in it. I really should have known that there would be a bit of uncomfortable feelings ahead when we had to walk on ice to get to open water. This was the moment that I pointed out this was probably not a good idea but having such wonderful friends they decided it was good and we should all go at once.
To say the very least, 187 pounds along with a board meant that I stepped on the ice and my feet broke through. I am a macho guy so I kept going till the water was too deep. I laid the board on the thin ice and pushed on forward while the other guys chickened out and went back to shore. Through all the pain and torment to get to the open water I kept telling myself I wanted to win over the elements.
I paddled out into the open water, my hands and feet were burning feeling like a million needles shooting through them. I stood on the board and flipped the sail around towards the wind ready to glide across the water becoming master of nature itself and then.... nothing happened. Some how at that moment the wind died, who ever heard of no wind in Oklahoma. I waited out in the water for what seemed like half an hour but actually was very close to six minutes when I decided it was time to come back in.
I never did go an inch by wind power but how many people do you know that would break through ice to go windsurfing for no other reason then the thrill of it?
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