I Do Not Want To Die !

In the last eight weeks I have had a cousin, a mentor, a friend and a business acquaintance all die, this might make a person not want to hang around me to much if they like the idea of living. What has happened with all of this death occurring around me is that I have become more aware of my own mortality. I had a brother die when I was 14 and that has always helped me understand that death can come at any moment to any person but the last two months events has renewed my understanding of this basic and simple fact.

I would like to quote myself, one of the few times I have ever said anything that actually was deep and made any sense " I do not want to die, not because I fear death or what comes after life but because I enjoy living so much. " . I am secure enough in my belief of what God has promised will happen to me that I do not worry about what will occur the moment I take my last breath, this is not the problem I have with passing on.

It seems so unfair in my mortal mind that God created such a splendid world with so much to see and do, he created so many fascinating people to meet and get to know and then gave me so little time to discover all of the glory he created.  I would never argue that I know better then God so I plan on doing, seeing and meeting as many people as I have been given time to do so. It does make me a little sad to think that I will not be able to enjoy all of his creation while in this physical body.

I do not want to die because of what I will miss yet at the same time in a strange way I do look forward to the event. Death is a once in a life time experience (for most people) and to my demise it will be the last thing I do on this earth. I think it would be so cool to actually get to sit around and talk about it with friends but once it happens that is out of the question.

I always find it strange when on a Monday somebody says "I wish it were Friday" I never understood the idea of skipping even a few days of life. I have a very close friend that I was talking to who is going through a horrible time in her life. She never has said that she wants to miss a day, the pain she would like to go away but even in pain you experience something that others do not. She said that through all of this she has gained wisdom. Wisdom is the greatest treasure and while she has learned it the hard way she has something that many will never have.

I do not want to die, I want the highest highs and the lowest lows. I want to see all that God created, I want to love my friends and family. I want to feel, see and experience all that I can till death do us part. I do not fear death but find it to be a big annoyance that seems to get in the way of doing all I would like to do.

I love life, I love the pain, joy, sights, sounds, sensations and love that it brings.... I do not want to die till I have had it all but I guess is I have no say in it.

Strange idea I suppose on a dreary, cloudy and damp winters day but it is the truth. I love life more then I would ever fear death.