I know that I am breaking all rules of etiquette by talking about rumors, those pesky little lies that people say behind your back. We all have rumors told about us and when we find out we are supposed to get angry and wonder why someone who say such a thing about us. I decided to snoop around and ask friends what some of the rumors about me were and instead of having me feelings hurt I would air them publicly to save time and not make you wait till they get around to you via the rumor mill.
I would like to point out that I have found that the greatest mental stress you can cause to a rumor starter is to laugh at the stupidity of the whole idea. They hope you will get mad and also by giving out this "secret" information that some how they seem important to other people.
1) Michael works undercover for the CIA.... if I did and you told people I would have to kill you
2) Michael works undercover for the DNC.... If I did and you told people I would have to kill myself
3) Michael has at least 22 girlfriends.... I do not even have one currently and 22 would probably kill me.
4) Michael is a closet Satanist.... I am not even sure how that got started but normal people wear black too.
5) Michael really never fought in Vietnam... this one is true, I was not old enough for one thing but I did fight a Vietnamese kid once in grade school.
6) Michael is actually an Iraqi Muslim.... Okay, I have no idea how to disprove this unless I actually show my birth certificate but it is locked away in Kenya somewhere.
7) Michael broke up a guys marriage.... Not true, okay maybe a little. I must have told the guy to average 4 hours a day on the phone with a women who sent him sexy photos even after his wife found out and even after she told the women to stop contacting him.
8) Michael is an ego maniac..... another true one but I do try to hide it.
9) Michael is Jewish.... Nothing wrong with being Jewish several of my favorite people are but alas I am not Jewish.
10) Michael is really white and not black... This has to do with some of my work and once again it is true. I am a proud white guy..... like I had anything to do with picking out the color of my skin in the first place.
There will be several people who will get mad that I made this list. The reason they will get mad is I have taken the power of the rumor away from them. I will enjoy seeing these people try to explain how they are right about me being a Jewish, black, white, Arab, Satanist, warmonger, who works for the DNC/CIA all the while using my ego to make some guy forget about his wife for another women.
When a rumor is spread about you remember the best way to defend yourself is to let people know how stupid the rumor is and not try to defend against it. You can never win against the rumor itself but you can win by letting people know how much of an idiot a person would have to be to believe it in the first place.
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Wether these rumors are true or not is insignificant, they seem petty to me. It does however show how shallow and small minded some people can be when they have nothing better to do with their lives!
ReplyDeleteI guess it's no rumor that I'm getting addicted to your columns and try never to miss one. You always have so much wisdom and humor that I sit here laughing, but you make me think as well. I really don't care about rumors any more. I know who I am and if people can't accept me for me then oh well!! Thanks for the laughs today!! Hope you don't need your birth certificate soon - LOL.
ReplyDeleteCheryl Accurso
LOL I second what Cheryl wrote! :-)
ReplyDeleteI agree with Cheryl as well!
ReplyDelete"Jewish, black, white, Arab, Satanist, warmonger, who works for the DNC/CIA all the while using my ego to make some guy forget about his wife for another women."
ReplyDeleteYou're a busy guy. When do you find time to play Farmville?
LOL! Good blog, Michael. I have often found that it is good to know WHY people say things like that. Sometimes, it comes from their own insecurities about themselves. I have often found in some situations that nothing squelches rumor mongers faster than making friends out of them. And it CAN be done! But it's still best to remember that your friends won't believe negatives about you and it doesn't matter about anybody else's opinion. Anyway, that's my take on the situation.
ReplyDelete