Life Really Stinks !!!!!

Sometimes everything in life goes wrong, your goals keep getting in the way of real life and everything goes nuts. Ok, the first line is a total lie because the word "sometimes" should be changed to "always". This is where it takes a person to realize that they need to roll with life and not always grab it by the neck and squeeze what they want out of it. (I do love analogies where I kill things)

The great thing about just waiting instead of searching for the best is that you can be lazy and what you want from life comes up and bops you in the head. This is where I stand today... I have what I want but realize that it also creates even more work.

I think that this will be a short and sweet blog because I have a long day filled with work and fun..... by the way, life does not stink but instead is one grand adventure.

Never Sleep

Some times life becomes so hectic that you become consumed with everything in it. The fun thing is when you stop being myopic and realize that you have friends that you can give a bit of encouragement too by just saying that you are thinking of them.

I spent another night last night up without sleeping talking to a friend. She lives in a beautiful area with trees that are actually trees. If you have ever lived in Oklahoma you will understand that I am stunned at what real trees look like. We should be headed to see the giant red woods in Cali this weekend and I am not sure if my brain can handle such monstrous trees.

The advantage of not sleeping is that I can waste a whole lot of time and still get a ton of stuff done. It also gives my blue eyes that funky red glow of a vampire. This greatest thing about not sleeping is I can write a blog and believe that it is the most wonderous thing ever writen even if it makes no sense.

It does not seem like I will be able to sleep tonight either so tomorrows blog should really be a mess.

Ooze From The Insane Mind

The picture has nothing to do with todays blog..... I just like it.

BIG day of doing many little things....... I am trying to give you an excuse for writing such a crumby blog today and I have not even started it yet..... Ok, I have started it but this first line really does not count.

The big trick of writing a blog when you have nothing to say and when you want to hurry up and say nothing is to make a list of things. This blog mysteriously will be a list of ooze from insane minds that I was either told or that I accidentally stepped in over the last couple of days.

1) The only reason you have alot of friends is to make me look bad.

2) I would have shot the bigfoot but it looked like my mother.

3) How long should I be married before I change my status on Facebook.

4) Did you really want to grow up to be a vampire or are you just trying to freak people out. (I did and still do think it would be cool)

5) Washing an elephant is something she will remember (not insane at all but still sounds funny)

6) What ever you do, I am begging you, do not eat the starfish.

7) The B and B is full but they will let you sit in the downstairs room over night and you will be allowed to eat with the other guest.

8) I reaaallly like Scandinavian men.... hey, aren't you Scandinavian.

9) My bathroom really needs cleaning

10) If you do not think that this is legal then we probably should not tell anyone (it was legal AND moral)

See.... easy blog.

Hope to see you tomorrow.

The Beast

I have a fantastic cousin who found a couple pictures of myself and my older brother, she then sent them to me via Facebook. I guess the pictures mean so much to me because my older brother died while he was in high school..... miss him

I was a tow headed child that even at a very young age had a snazzy sense of clothing style and the ability to hear my ancestral Viking brothers drum away before attacking some helpless village. It does still amaze me that people think I am a nice sweet guy when many centuries ago my forefathers were the ones who invented that hat with horns, chased women all over the world and bopped people over the head with some of the nastiest looking bats around.

I digress... I should be discussing "The Beast"...

I took a close look at the above picture and of course now I understand how I could be so good looking today considering how cute of a start I had. But, there was something else in the picture that I could not quite put my finger on, there was that thing that stood out in plan sight yet I knew I was blinded to. There is that thing that is like a badge denoting me as a true beast.

After looking the picture over I realized that the proof of my being animalistic  sat right before my eyes. Yeti, Loch Ness Monster and Al Gore are all mythical creatures that a few people believe in but most people do not but I am a true beast that actually exists. We, of north Aryan blood (please do not try to explain that being Aryan makes me a racists. That would be like saying that being Irish makes you drunk) have big appendages. I have a big nose, wide hands, long tongue and big feet.... if it is sticking off my body then it is big.

This made me realize as I was staring at the abnormally large feet of my childhood that there might actually be a reason that I have felt the calling of the Pacific North West. I googled Oregon Bigfoot and realized that he has the big forehead, nose and feet. This had me panting as I was running around looking for my ancient roots when it hit me..... Vikings may have been the first people in North America, was bigfoot a Viking pet? was he a Viking that just liked running around naked? so many questions with so little time!! I may actually be hearing the call of the wild, the sound of my ancestors begging me to return to my Yeti kin.

Soooo.... to see if my theory of Bigfoot being a long lost relative is correct I think I will go east of town a couple of miles and sit around in the woods naked. I will have to pop out on the street every now and then just to add to the mysticism of it all. I guess the knocking over trash cans, eating dogs and looking in bedroom windows is also a given. If I end up in jail for window peeping, running around naked or any other crime I hope you remember that I did it for science and wanting to connect to my greater family.

I Am Not A Vampire .... Yet

This blog is where I spill my guts, tell the truth and generally give people ammo that they can use against me. When I was but just a child I discovered the mythical creature called a vampire. The creature fascinated me but for reasons most people would never grasp.

When kind adults would ask the age old question to a young lad "what would you like to be when you grow up" I knew the answer immediately, it was always one of two answers. I never did say police man, fireman, doctor or even cowboy but it was always lawyer or vampire. Today I see the humor in my choices because they both do have much in common. (please note that I do have great friends who are lawyers but none who are vampires)

When a kindly old lady would ask the question and I would spew out vampire it usually took just moments before she was telling my mother that I was probably brain damaged and also needed to have evil spirits exorcised from me. I will say that my parents were at least kind to my disillusionment and listened to what I had to say. Considering my father was a preacher he could have easily gone ballistic that one of his sons went around telling people that he wanted to grow up to be the Prince of Darkness. My mom and dad instead listened and did not trash by boyhood dreams.

When I was asked why I wanted to be a vampire the sucking of blood, murder, pact with the devil and other evilness never did even cross my mind. It really seemed simple to me and a great idea to aspire too. Vampires (from what I knew) had the best clothes, always had the best looking women, lived in castles or at least mansions, stayed up all night and could get people to do what ever they wanted by just looking at them. I knew in my young heart that no fireman or cowboy had it so good and I would just leave those jobs to kids who were boring.

Vampires were simply cool..... they had and did everything that a child could dream of. Superman never had it so good because he was stuck with one babe (yes I was girl crazy back then but I did grow out of it ), hid who he really was, never had tons of money and had to were glasses most of the day. Werewolves were hairy stinky creatures that lost control, stunk and slobbered on themselves. Growing up to be a vampire really made sense to me as a young child.

Today when people ask me what I do for a living it always triggers the memory of wanting to be a vampire. It does make me a bit rueful that I failed at my first dream and never grew fangs but I can say that today I may not have the best clothes, even one woman who likes me or live in a castle yet I am proud that I can say I have stayed up all night more then once.



This is my 100th blog on this site. I am averaging over 2400 page hits a day with over 18% of them from people who live in my new home state of Oregon..... 13% from Oklahoma. Thanks for reading and I hope that you have a wonderful day. I would suggest that you watch out for vampires though while visiting this blog because I am still trying to figure out how to change into a bat.

Watching Roaches Can Be Fun

I love my life, the city I live in, my friends, my family and my job... life could not get any better. Many people know how hard of a time I had over the last few months but I can honestly say that I came out the other side better, happier and closer to God. I would not have dreamed that my life would be so perfect today back in January. I am happy, content and ready to rule the world of my creation.

The thing I take satisfaction in ( I probably should not ) is that there was a  small group of people that targeted me and made it their goal in life to make me miserable. In the time of their declared war against me I never did go after them with the intent of doing permanent damage even though they declared the desire to do me great harm. It was VERY frustrating and even a bit unnerving when I was being threatened that they would use guns.

The wonderful thing about being a child of God and actually praying is that God does answer prayer. As these miscreants made threats, lied about me and even went to my FB friends and told lies I actually prayed for them. Then something strange started happening, spouses started divorcing them, jobs were lost, business deals started going away for them and many other bad things occurred.

I was a bit nervous about a couple of them because while I moved away from almost next door from one of these people I was moving in to the same area as two others. I was threatened and was even told my daughter was not going to be safe but the strangeness continued. Just like roaches when the light is turned on these people have vanished. They no longer are threatening me nor are they even to be seen. The mother of one of them has even ran off and hid on FB instead of the expected threats.

My life could not be better because those who claimed to be great Christians could not face the fire of the truth. The scurried off like the roaches that they were imitating. The simple fact is that prayer, God and the truth makes human bugs run and hide because they will not survive the cleansing power of honesty. I am proud (yes I know I probably should not be) that I never did back down when they attacked but stood firm knowing that the truth was on my side. They may show their face once again but the truth will  always be the proverbial boot that squishes those who cannot handle simple facts.

Just in case you did not know it ... I love Florence Oregon!!

Hate My Blogs?

I really do not feel like writing a blog today. I did have a great time yesterday, I met new friends, old friends and snooped around town. I do have to say that even the underbelly of Florence is great but this still does not inspire me to write about my day so instead I am writing the anti-blog. I will simply make a short list of things that did not happen to me instead of what did happen then I can get on with my day.

1) I have not had a date with Bigfoot.... Yet

2) I did not become the latest lead singer of Van Halen

3) I did not hold a sign up while standing by the side of the street that said "will dance for food"

4) I did not become mayor of the great metropolitan area of Florence

5) I did not run down the 101 naked and screaming that the giant bugs are coming.

This is a short list of things I did not do  yesterday. Today does give me another chance though so if you see me holding a sign wanting to dance for food I hope you will stop and get me a burger... I will warn you though that I do not dance well.

2:30 am

Just in case you have not figured out yet I have moved to a small town in Oregon. The whole concept of rolling up the sidewalks at 8 pm does not apply here because there are not enough sidewalks to roll up in the first place. I was "warned" by several people that there is nothing to do in town once the sun goes down and I (a person who does not sleep) would find myself bored out of my mind with nothing to do in the middle of the night.

I found myself at 2:30 am not ready to go to bed yet not having anything to do either. This was the first big test over the question of my choice of moving here. Would the slow pace of things and the lack of "cool" things to do in the middle of the night kill off my joy of the new town I chose to live in? It was a good question and I was going to find out the answer even if I did not like it.


I ended up talking to another night owl and we talked for a while. This was great and I enjoyed the conversation but I still wanted to do something. The young lady mentioned we should go for a walk and enjoy the evening air. I jumped on this idea and we took a strole down a tree lined path where bears and other wild beast reside. This is exactly why I moved to the area..... nothing can beat the crisp air, the HUGE trees and being amongst the other creations of God.

I realized while walking and talking that if I lived in a big city I would have ended up in an eating establishment guzzling coffee and eating burritos. That is nice to do every now and then but it does not compare to great company and the fantastic creation of God's doing. I made the right choice to be here, there is no other place on earth I would rather be. How could I give up such a fantastic place to live and enjoy just so I could get a burrito at 2:30 am.

The next time I am up at 2:30 am and crave a burrito with java I will remember that God's creation of nature will always out shine man's creation of a tortilla wrapping up a bit of filling...... I do love Oregon.

I Am In Love!!!!

There are many types of love but I have the kind that makes my heart skip a few beats, leaves me standing with my mouth hanging open and I leave a trail of drool everywhere I walk. This is honestly going to be a life long love affair that will never leave my soul. I always knew, even if I could not admit it, that this woman was going to be mine. She may have done things to me in the past that was not what I would have liked but her beauty and spirit has always drawn me back to here like one of Pavlov's dogs, the bell rings and I am standing before her waiting for whatever she has to offer.


I am totally in love with my new home town (Florence, Oregon). I stand in amazement at the people who do not understand how special of a ville that she is. I went to a Thai restaurant at 1565 9th street yesterday and had some of the best food ever. (This is NOT a paid commercial, this is a guy saying go there and eat if you have any brains) While the food was fantastic my dinner companion made it a perfect meal.

We then headed to Siltcoos Lake and had dessert at a friends house that I am still lusting over this morning. Standing in their home and looking out over the lake I realized that the Florence area had won me over and I was in love. Everything from the allusive water cow (a cow with webbed feet that hangs out in the reeds), the dwarf sand dune yeti, the awesome people and the town itself makes this the site of true Nirvana.

I spent much of the day checking out my new home. I stopped by my church (Florence Christian Church) and cannot wait till Sunday. I went to Fred's and had a tour of the place, I even had a little time for a business meeting. I stopped at the DMV, picked up stuff so I could register to vote and went by the post office. None of this sounds exciting but every second that I spend exploring my new love brings a thrill to my heart.

I would like to make it clear, as I head off for another day of conquering my new world, what makes Florence perfect is not its beauty, weather or location but it is the people. I am so blessed to have so many friends that live here already. If I have not stopped by to say hi yet please give me a message so we can meet (inbox, email, whatever)...... I do love Florence!

Hard Lessons I Had to Learn

I have lived in the great state of Oregon for a little over 24 hours and God has not destroyed it. I understand that many people believed that I would send the sin and/or mental level of the area one inch to far past what could be stomached and God would have no choice but to remove the area off the face of the map. Thankfully it does appear that I will be allowed to live here and the earth will not need be destroyed because of my move to Oregon.

I am sitting here this morning trying to plot and plan the take over of my new world. I have both brain cells firing at full blast and my blood/coffee level is at an appropriate mix. I have come to realize that even in my mental position of weakness that I have been able to gather up enough synapse juice to not only learn a few lessons but remember them as well. This is a short list of lesson about my new home state that I have learned.

1) The most beautiful women in the world live in Oregon. Not only are the women beautiful but they are smart as well but yet not quite smart enough to run when they see me. This gives me the hope of one day of being able to talk to one of these fine creatures because they just did not understand that they should have ran when they had the chance. The deer in the headlight syndrome will work to my advantage in this case (I hope)

2) The guys of Oregon are the manliest of men. Even though I am not a John Wayne clone the men of Oregon still allow me to exist in their presence and have even accepted me. The guys around here are such tough guys that they make Arnold Schwarzenegger look as weak kneed and sissified as your average Texas University football player.

3) Bigfoot does exist but I am still pretty sure that he does not live in the hippie commune up the coast a few miles. I have seen many pictures of Bigfoot and yet not one of them was the smelly Yeti wearing a tie-dye t-shirt and making blue berry wine.

4) Loggers, hunters, fishermen and various other environmentally evil people actually care more about ecology then the aforementioned folks who  live in the hippie commune. Just because you eat granola for breakfast lunch and supper you do not all of a sudden become more caring about nature then the hunter who eats granola as a snack.

5) There is a group of people that I honestly believe most Americans despise. People from a conservative state like Oklahoma would most certainly be happy to force them to ride on the back of the bus and people from a more liberal state like Oregon would have no problem allowing business to ban these people from stepping foot into their establishments. These people all look alike, smell alike, talk alike... they just seem to spawn like roaches. Everywhere I have gone across this great land of ours they seem to pop up. We need to seal our borders to keep these vermin out and we also need to round them all up and ship them to some other country. I was horrified to find out that the vile beast even live in my new home state. I know that I promised not to be one of those people who move to a new place and then try to change it but I honestly think most of my new neighbors would be happy if I could help eradicate career politicians from our ranks. The scary thing is that just like roaches you know that if you see one career politician there are 100 others hiding somewhere that you cannot see.

These are just a few of the things I have learned so far while living in Oregon. I now need to figure out what to do for the weekend but between beautiful women, manly men, Yeti, granola eating hippies and career politicians I am a afraid that I wont have time to figure anything out. It will be just another lonely Saturday watching the dust bunnies multiply under my bed.

I think I Will Start a Controversy

I finally made it to live in my new home state but did start to doubt if I would ever get there myself. I got into town (well close to town) at around 10:30 last night and then set up till 5 am drinking coffee at Sheri's (a local restaurant) with a wonderful and beautiful friend who has made my life 10x easier. Slept for a couple of hours and I am now ready to conquer my new world.

This is the first paragraph of the first chapter of my new start in the Pacific Northwest. I have plotted and planned this move since August of last year. There have been up, downs and explosions along the way but the preseason is over and the real game is set to begin! I would not be here today if it were not for many dear friends so if you have a problem with me living in Oregon then blame them and not me.

Since this is the first volley of a blog in a couple of weeks and I am gearing up to get back to my normal self I think I will start a controversy. I am to lazy to write a real blog this morning so I am taking the easy way out. To put the age old question to rest.... there is no doubt that a beaver can eat a duck alive and have enough energy left over to go hunting for the duck eggs. There is no argument here but just a statement of fact. If you do not agree with this simple premise then you probably do not understand the simple facts of nature....... See, I am already turning into an Oregonian.

An Easter Like No Other

It is Easter morning and it will be like no other Easter in my life. This day is the ending for many things for me but will also be the beginning of so much more. Easter is a wondrous day that we look back and remember what God has given us, the gift of absolute love.

My personal tastes always make me a bit irritated with the image of Jesus on a cross on this day. I understand the importance of his death but to me the most important thing for Easter is the miracle of his resurrection, the proof of his promise of things to come for me. Jesus showed an act of pure love on the cross and then gave proof that the promise of God will occur not just for him but for me as well with the event we celebrate on Easter. I do hope that each of my friends, readers and loved ones have a true understanding of the imagery of Easter. This is not a sermon of hatred, spite or cruelty but one of faith and love.

I am thankful for my friends and since I will have little communications for a few days I hope that you do well. If you need to reach me I will try and let a few people know how to get me. Please leave a message on the blog or send one to East Side Girl. I will also try and make sure that others know how to reach me..... till we "meet" again may God bless you deeply and truly.

Just one more thing to my wacky antisemitic brethren....... Jesus is a Jew!

It Is Finished

Today is the last day of just running around back and forth to see my grandmother and helping my parents move fragile items. I will actually leave Oklahoma  tomorrow (maybe Monday considering Easter) heading down Route 66 to the 101 and then go north. I want to take my time and enjoy every minute of the cross country trip. I did want to spend time with my grandmother who is VERY ill and make sure that if I did not get to see her again that I would be satisfied with my last goodbye.

I am very sober realizing that there are many people that I will never see again. Yet, at the same time it is a moment filled with the thrill of the opportunities that lay ahead of me. I could not have made it if I had not had such great friends. People who watch my back, who help when I need help and those who just pop up to say that they support me. I am grateful for my long time friends as well as the new ones that I have only recently met.


Instead of the simple I-40 or other easy route I plan on taking the tried and true route 66.....and then the Pacific Coast Highway.

Well if you ever plan to motor west
Travel my way, take the highway that's the best
Get your kicks on Route 66

Well it winds from Chicago to LA
More than two thousand miles all the way
Get your kicks on Route 66

Well it goes to St. Louis, down to Missouri
Oklahoma City looks oh, so pretty
You'll see Amarillo, Gallup, New Mexico
Flagstaff, Arizona, don't forget Wynonna
Kingman, Barstow, San Bernardino

If you get hip to this kind of trip
I think I'll take that California trip
Get your kicks on Route 66

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qqrKxBhKdFM



I hope everyone has a great Easter and I will stay in touch with something a bit more entertaining next time.

Tripping Over Dead Bodies

I am running around, making phone calls and stopping in to see people I have not seen in 135 years (a slight exaggeration), I plan on doing this till I make it to my new home state. The interesting thing to me about all of this is the number of dead bodies I keep tripping over. Please understand that I do not have a field somewhere stuffed with dead people that I need to bury but instead I am talking about the dead in a metaphoric way.

When I see people that I have not seen for years it is sometimes a joyous occasion and other times it is a great reminder why I decided not to see them in the first place. The strange visits always seem to be with girls I once dated or even worse the parents of girls I once dated. I actually have very few women that I broke up with that hate me and many of them are still great friends but there is always that one odd ball that decides that either they love you or they hate you. These precious people are the ones that seem to pop up even when you are not looking for them at the most inopportune times. They are the ones that seem like the dead dog in your front yard that whenever you leave your house you have to look at it even if you do not want to.

Let me be honest here, I was not always the super nice guy that I am today. There actually was a time in my life when absolutely everyone in the world did not love me like they do today (for the few people who read this blog that have brain cells that number in the double digits, this part was sarcasm). I did treat a few people badly and even today I still feel bad about it. Most people I have made up with but every now and then a part of a dead body pops up and slaps me across the face.

There are times when a dead body pops up and there is nothing that feels better then running over and kicking it a few times. There are some people who keep talking, acting and well, just are great at being a zombie. Zombies are those dead bodies that actually walk around and keep showing their worm infested face for no other reason then to try and irritate you. I actually have one zombie that has been around for 30+ years, I did something to them in grade school that I have long forgotten but evidently they have not.

I have several more dead bodies to trip over and probably a zombie or two to still see. I guess with all of the moving, seeing loved ones possibly for the last time and traveling around my brain has finally cracked and this blog is what oozed out of the crevice. I really cannot wait to get back to some normality but till then I plan on kicking some zombie rear, meet new people and continue my adventures.

Stupid People

I am really not a guy who should be able to point a finger at other people and announce to the world that they are stupid. There are some though who so pass the threshold of sanity that you finally have to say that it is okay for somebody with my limited abilities to go ahead and point that finger. It never ceases to amaze me that some people have actually made it past childhood with out accidentally  killing themselves or having their parents sell them to the circus as lion food. These are just a few of the wonderfully bright things I have heard over the last few days while I have traversed the state of Oklahoma for my parents and grandmother.... I should leave the state at any time...lol

1) The guy who argued he understood Islam better then an Iranian because he sells pastries in the Boston Subway system and sees Muslims everyday getting on the trains.

2) The five people broken down on the Turn Pike with a 3 foot bumper sticker on their van that said "Jesus is the King of Peace". Everyone of them were standing around the vehicle kicking it and screaming at the car.

3) The teenager that tried to intimidate an older lady in a parking lot. He looked "scary" with tattoos and a chain from his lower lip to his ear. Before I could get over to help this 70ish year old lady she had grabbed the chain and said to the lad "I wonder how hard I have to pull to get something to rip. I wonder if it will be your lip or your ear that goes first?". Needless to say he was crying and begging me to make her stop by the time I got over to them.

4) My female friend who seemed actually surprised that Ricki Martin was gay.

5) The WAY drunk redneck at the restaurant who kept talking to himself in a loud voice about how we should jail all of the hippies because they always are getting high.

These are just a few of the things to report today, I hope to add more later today. The blogs are short till I get to my new home but I will try to make a couple a day.