The Beast

I have a fantastic cousin who found a couple pictures of myself and my older brother, she then sent them to me via Facebook. I guess the pictures mean so much to me because my older brother died while he was in high school..... miss him

I was a tow headed child that even at a very young age had a snazzy sense of clothing style and the ability to hear my ancestral Viking brothers drum away before attacking some helpless village. It does still amaze me that people think I am a nice sweet guy when many centuries ago my forefathers were the ones who invented that hat with horns, chased women all over the world and bopped people over the head with some of the nastiest looking bats around.

I digress... I should be discussing "The Beast"...

I took a close look at the above picture and of course now I understand how I could be so good looking today considering how cute of a start I had. But, there was something else in the picture that I could not quite put my finger on, there was that thing that stood out in plan sight yet I knew I was blinded to. There is that thing that is like a badge denoting me as a true beast.

After looking the picture over I realized that the proof of my being animalistic  sat right before my eyes. Yeti, Loch Ness Monster and Al Gore are all mythical creatures that a few people believe in but most people do not but I am a true beast that actually exists. We, of north Aryan blood (please do not try to explain that being Aryan makes me a racists. That would be like saying that being Irish makes you drunk) have big appendages. I have a big nose, wide hands, long tongue and big feet.... if it is sticking off my body then it is big.

This made me realize as I was staring at the abnormally large feet of my childhood that there might actually be a reason that I have felt the calling of the Pacific North West. I googled Oregon Bigfoot and realized that he has the big forehead, nose and feet. This had me panting as I was running around looking for my ancient roots when it hit me..... Vikings may have been the first people in North America, was bigfoot a Viking pet? was he a Viking that just liked running around naked? so many questions with so little time!! I may actually be hearing the call of the wild, the sound of my ancestors begging me to return to my Yeti kin.

Soooo.... to see if my theory of Bigfoot being a long lost relative is correct I think I will go east of town a couple of miles and sit around in the woods naked. I will have to pop out on the street every now and then just to add to the mysticism of it all. I guess the knocking over trash cans, eating dogs and looking in bedroom windows is also a given. If I end up in jail for window peeping, running around naked or any other crime I hope you remember that I did it for science and wanting to connect to my greater family.